I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
