I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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