she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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