May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
