You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you didnt know i had herpes?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
