I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
