What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
