I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
