I think I died a long time ago.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
