She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
