you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
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I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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