Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
