she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
