her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
