I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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