hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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