piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
