I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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