Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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