its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
