Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
