i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
