I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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