I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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