And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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