When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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