i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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