My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
