Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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