whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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