u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
