He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
