I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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