i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
