It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
