I am in a vortex of obligation.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The best revenge is premature balding
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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