This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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