ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
