I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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