We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
