We need to rekindle our bromance
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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