in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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