I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
