i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
