she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
