This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
