yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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