I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
