You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
