Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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