Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
