Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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