I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
