So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
