I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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