I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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