i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
