I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
