The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
