he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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