My room smells like vodka and shame
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
