I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
