oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
