He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
