I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
