Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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