and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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