Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
