I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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