so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
