It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
