Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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