You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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