Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
